Stupid Questions

We're getting back into the busy season, and while silly questions exist year-round, they become a little more unnerving when you get them in droves. Here are some of my all time favorites, in no particular order. Maybe.

"Do you know where the bathroom is?" or "Do you have a bathroom?"
  I work there, I'm in the building five days a week, but I guess there is still a strong possibility that I might not know where the bathroom is. Oh wait, we don't have a bathroom! My bad.

 "I see you have a salmon steak; do you you have just salmon?"
  That really happened.

 "What kind of steak is with the beefsteak tomato?"
  This really happened too. And continues to happen. I understand if you might not be the gardening type, but have you never set foot in a grocery store? Really??

 "I want the steak, what comes with that?"
  This is a tricky one. Like most steakhouses, the side dishes are a la carte. We explain this when we go over the menu. I understand that a few people might not understand that a la carte is a nice way of saying the entrees don't come with anything. If I stand at the table and say, ( and I've heard this ), "the side dishes don't come with the entrees, you have to pay for them separately", then I sound tacky and under-educated and run the risk of offending someone who does actually know what a la carte means. And I would never want to offend someone. If you don't know what a la carte means, just ask and I will tell you. Do not pretend that you know what I'm saying and then look at me like I'm an idiot because I tell you that nothing comes with your steak and you have to pay for your side dishes.

 "Do you have [ insert whatever beer you did not mention because you in fact don't have this beer and this would be why you never mentioned it in the first place ]?"
 These same people will also ask:
 "Do you have [ insert whatever side dish you did not mention because you in fact don't have this side dish and this would be why you never mentioned it in the first place ]?"
 They never believe you.

 "Can I have the camalari?"
 No you can not because there is no such thing. If you would like the calamari, I will be happy to bring you that instead.

 "Can we sit over there?"
 What part of "sit wherever you like" did you not get? When I told you to sit wherever you like, I didn't actually mean it. Dumbasses.

 There will be more to come, I need to go before I get all riled up. I do still have to go to work : )