the author and her new bestie

Ahhhhh, it's almost summertime, and ya'll know what that means...it's crab-pickin' time!
 It's almost a law that everyone that grows up in Southern Maryland knows how to pick crabs. You learn the "r" month rule before you know the entire alphabet; R months are for oysters and every other month is for....CRABS!!! As soon as the weather warms up the slightest bit, you start to jones for blue crabs. I grew up picking crabs every summer and I seriously missed it when I was out of the area for 15 years. My very first day back, I drove down to the crabhouse where I work now, and I could smell the steaming crabs and Old Bay as soon as I got out of my car. There is nothing in the world like that smell.
  Some of you might not understand what I call the crab culture. Picking crabs is not so much about the eating, it's about the doing. This is no quick meal, you are in for the long haul. You need to be patient, and understand you will get dirty, ( which, to me, is the best part : ). If you roll into a crabhouse absolutely starving, get something else. If you don't like to work for your meal, order a crabcake. But you will be missing out. I know a person not from around here who said he didn't like picking crabs, there was no way he would ever be able to fill up. That person sucks. He doesn't get it.
  Since picking crabs takes patience and time, you better make sure you are with decent people when you sit down. If you are with a bunch of suck-ass people, then you will have a suck-ass time. I can't tell you how many times I have waited on tables who have sat in complete silence while working on their crabs. Silent table, except for the crunch of crab legs being twisted off, the crack of the shell being ripped off, and the banging of mallets. No fun! These people should be drinking pitchers of beer, gossiping, laughing, haha, hollering at people they know across the room; not sitting in silence with crab guts on their faces and occasionally grunting at each other. These people might show a little animation when they wave their empty beer cans at their waitress, ( me ), but's that's about it. It's ok to wave your empty beer can at your waitress, just make sure you're having a good time while you're doing it.

  So come on summertime! Get your crab-pickin' gear ready, ( we actually have a regular who brings her own "tools" ), get ready to get dirty and sloppy, and make sure you're with people you don't hate. And remember, you can always jump in the river to clean off. Woohooo!