Server types

  I'm not sure how it is in the "real" world, but in the restaurant world you come across some very interesting people. This is not about them. This is about that annoying sub-sect of server types that pop up in every restaurant everywhere. You might have to deal with only one, or you may have the pleasure of having several of these types at the same time. I work in two restaurants so I get to see these types every day. Yay me.

 The Table Hog
 Ok. This bitch tries to snag every table that walks in. She harrasses the hostesses and constantly hovers  over them to make sure the seating is "right". This chick is the reason we can't take requests outside of our sections. She had an absolute hissy fit when one of the outside girls had a request that wanted to sit inside. A little background; we don't really have sections, you are either inside, in the bar, or outside. All of the tables get rotated amongst the servers, the same goes for parties. Since we don't have actual sections, and it's all rotated anyway, nobody is really losing a table. Besides, a request is a request. But bitch-breath had to have a cow, and demanded that she take the next table outside. Which meant that that foul piece of humanity was using our computer on our side. Eww.
 Table hogs are not cool, I believe in kharma. This particular chick spends most of her time worrying about what's going on with everyone else, and not enough time taking care of her tables. And then makes no money because her service sucks. Khaaaarrrrrmmaaaa. You keep right on snagging tables honey.

  The Know-it-All
 This jag-off is annoying as hell. The Know-it-All, to put it simply, knows everything there is to know about the restaurant business. The rest of us are intellectual gnats, and we should listen to everything he says.
 With a frickin' grain of salt peppered with an eye-roll!  Really?? This guy is maybe 25 tops, and has really only worked at a couple of other nice restaurants, and one that pretended to be nice. Proof that he's an idiot: I listened to him try and impress one of the newer servers with his wine knowledge, he's one of those that goes for the big names and the expensive bottles. And you know how I feel about those types. When someone starts spouting off about "we sold the Shafer at Morton's", that is a big red flag. A lot of places sell Shafer.
 This guy is an expert in how things should be run. Want to know what I say to that? Send in a frickin' resume. Don't call us, we'll call you.
  Once again, we have someone who spends more time making sure everyone knows that he knows everything about "the biz". Shutup. Come talk to me when you've been doing this as long as myself and quite a few others have. By the way; the guy who knows so much about wine opened the wrong, more expensive wine for one of his tables. Hello void for the difference in price. Yeeeaaaah. Leaving my comments to myself right now : )

  The Newbie
 I'm not talking about "new" people. I'm talking about people who are new to the art of waiting tables. As in maybe worked in one other restaurant years ago. Why did you stop waiting tables way back when? Let me answer for you; it was probably because you sucked at it. No biggie, as hard as it might be to believe, there are some things even I can't do. So if you don't have what it takes to do well, ( patience, time-management, the ability to think at least three steps ahead of your guests, the ability to do multiple tasks at once, to name a few ), that's ok. Just stop pretending that you do a good job. Realize that this is not the job for you and move on. Please. It used to be somewhat amusing to watch you go down in flames, but now it's not. Most people learn from their mistakes, you obviously do not. You're 20 minute menu dissertation is fine when you have one table, it is wildly inappropriate when you've been triple sat. I'm just saying.

 Bartenders
 These people are definitely their own breed. I make it a point to get along with the bartenders; it's just good business sense. But some of them are a little too closely related to the Know-it-Alls for my comfort. This stems from the fact that bartenders are extremely touchy about how they make their drinks. I get that, I truly do. I've bartended quite a bit and I'm extremely touchy about how I make my drinks. At the nice restaurant we have a lot of specialty cocktails, the bartenders do a good job making sure that the drink tastes the same no matter who makes it. At the crabhouse....forget about it. They all do their own thing. Your first margarita can be fine, your second will have orange juice in it because someone else made it, and if you say anything the second bartender will inform you that she's been putting o.j. in her margaritas for 20 years. SHUTUP!!!!! Just give me a margarita without o.j.!!! You cow!!! So annoying.

  I have more, but of course I have to go to....work. Yay!