Happy Holidays, Drunkos!!!

  The Harbor kicked off the holiday season with their big tree lighting this past Friday. It was a night for families, fireworks, and for one couple, getting completely PLOWED.
  Now yes, it is the holidays, and yes, people like to party during the holidays. But this just seemed a bit odd because this weekend was SO family oriented. We didn't have our usual crowd; it was a bit more like an out of control Romper Room episode. Which is fine, it is that kind of weekend, but we are a bit expensive to be considered a kid friendly restaurant. We are also a bit expensive to be going to if you are already completely schnockered. Which is what one couple attempted to do.
  This couple had shown up earlier in the evening and put their name on the waitlist. They showed up for their table absolutely hammered. Manager-at-the-door signaled to manager-on-the-floor that they were a bit inebriated. I was told not to serve her, since she had stumbled her way to the table. Oh, and look, she's brought her own cup in! Classy!
  I go to the table, and yes, she is in fact completely hammered. So is her date. I really do love waiting on really drunk people that I can't serve any more liquor. Because, let's face it, drunk people are sooooo reasonable, especially when you tell them they can't drink anymore.
  Of course I go through the bare minimum concerning the menu. She has already made it clear that she can't read the menu, and he can't focus on it. Thankfully, they don't order drinks right away. They order water, ( which they had in front of them ), and a salad, and I run away. The less time I spend at the table, the less time they have to order a drink that they won't be getting anyway. I call that move Disaster Avoidance.
  They get their salad, and I check to see if they are ready to order entrees. No, they need more time. They also need help staying upright. By this time, drunk jagoff guy is sitting on the booth next to her, and leaning his drunk-ass self all over the, ( thankfully empty ), table next to them. So there goes THAT table. They are also attracting the attention of the family laden tables on either side. Not because of their loudness, just because of their sloshedness.
  They had ordered a tomato and onion salad that is served with gorgonzola dressing. If you are not familiar with gorgonzola dressing, just know that it is VERY similar to bleu cheese dressing. It is delicious and apparently a great alternative to lipstick. These drunk slobs had the dressing all over their mouths. She was having trouble with her fork making it into her mouth, so she was slurping the onions, dragging them and their gorgonzola dressingness over her chin. Attractive. Now, this couple was a bit older, which really heightened the level of winsomeness.
  I'm hoping they will leave when they're done with their salad, but NO, they want to order dinner. They ordered a lobster fra diavolo, which is expensive, and terribly messy. Great. They also order cocktails. Double great. This is what I had wanted to avoid. So I say, "ok", and walk away, pretending that I will bring their drinks. I have no intention of bringing them drinks, and will continue to aggressively avoid the table. Technically, this could be called "bad service", but they were "shitfaced" and borderline on getting "asked to leave". My boss had been watching them like a hawk, and honestly, they only people they were hurting were themselves. I mean, they might have been mortifying the guests around them with their sloppiness, but they weren't being loud or obnoxious. And I don't think they really noticed that I was avoiding them. They were too busy focusing on basic motor skills to try to focus on me.
  Now I'm slightly dreading them asking me where their cocktails are. As previously stated, really intoxicated people are totally reasonable and understanding when told you can't serve them. If they happened to ask for their drinks, I would get my boss to tell them they were cut off. For two reasons:

 A: He's bigger than me.

 B: He's a lot bigger than me.

Now honestly, I would not want to spend almost $100 on a meal that I wouldn't remember. Let alone get into my mouth. The way these two were going, they would have had diavolo sauce and lobster and seafood all over them. The table was already a hot mess and they had only had one salad. Just imagine where a good red sauce would end up???
  The wonder couple didn't have to worry about that. They just got up and left. Struggled to stand up, put their coats on, and walked out the door. After they found the door, of course.
  Was it the service? Did they forget why they were there? Who cares. We didn't have to deal with a confrontation with a drunk couple in front of a bunch of families. Win. I imagine their wedding, at Medieval Times, or Chuck E Cheese, abhorring the families with small children that surround them with their slobbery, trashed eating. Good times.

 So, enjoy those holidays people! And party on! Woot!!

                                Babs :)