Oysters

I love oysters. Jonathan Swift tells us that it was a bold man that first ate an oyster; I couldn't agree more, and I'm glad that man ate that oyster.

Oysters are exotic and humble at the same time. They're plentiful here in Southern Maryland, you don't even really have to go out to get them. If you know a waterman,(and who around here doesn't), you've got oysters. Take them home and just sit on the back porch shucking and slurping those beauties off the shell. Add beer and you have a feast. Take those same oysters and set them on a pretty silver platter filled with crushed ice; voila!; you are all of a sudden one of the classiest people around.

I prefer my oysters raw, never with cocktail sauce, maybe a little Tabasco or a little red wine vinegar. And definitely champagne.( I am on a huge champagne kick right now, I feel a champers post is in the works). I will eat them fried, but they have to be fried just right. Oysters Bienville and oysters Rockefeller, yes and yes. I will try to bake oysters with anything, I'm creative like that. I make a mean oyster stuffing.

If you've never eaten an oyster, you have not lived. You should try it, you might love it

The Server Myth

It's not all bad being a server. If you do it right, it's actually a viable occupation. Since I've moved back East, I've come across quite a few people who have kind of turned their noses up at my occupation. Even a few of my friends that wait tables as well aren't so excited to tell people what they do. I don't quite understand why it's ok to poo-poo my job; it's insulting to me.

"What do you do?".

"I wait tables."

"Oh".

Pretty soon the next thing out of my mouth will be that I make just as much, if not more, than they do. And I'm not stuck at a desk. In the Chicago area, having a good serving/bartending gig was completely acceptable.

There are downsides to being a server, but is there any job that doesn't have downsides? If you answered yes, you are lying. Here are my answers to other peoples barbs about my job.

"You work such long hours"

Yes, I might have back to back 14 hour shifts on the weekend, but during the week I maybe work 6 hours a night. If I'm over 40 hours, it's not by much. Granted, I work 7 days a week, but I'm a sucker, and gave my 2 days off to the crabhouse. That's ok, it's fun there,(sometimes): )

"You always work weekends"

At this point, if I had a Saturday off, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Probably because all of my friends are working. While the rest of the world is off, I'm working, and while the rest of the world is working, I'm off. What this means: while you're stuck in Saturday traffic going to the mall, standing in line forever at the post office, grocery, whatever, I'm sailing through MY errands during the week. You know why? Because you suckers are at work.

"You have to deal with a-holes"

If you've ever said this to a server, you're probably one of the a-holes. In general, people don't dine at restaurants just to be jerks. They want to eat. We feed them. If someone is a bit of a jag, oh well, it's what makes my job highly interesting. People who ask questions or who want things a particular way aren't a-holes, they are consumers who are paying for something, the least we can do is give it to them,(within reason). If you've dabbled in "waitressing" and thought that people who asked for things or dared to want to be served in a timely, courteous manner were a-holes, then you, my friend, are in fact the a-hole.

Waiting tables is an interesting job. You meet all kinds of interesting people. You're not stuck behind a desk. You eat. Believe it or not, you're always learning something. You're making GOOD money. The next time someone insults my job, I'll be sure to post my retort. For now, I've gotta go to work ; ) Ciao!

Sundays

I hate working Sundays. Not because I'm overly religious and need to get to church. Not because it would be a nice day to spend with my family and friends. I just hate. Working. Sundays.

This is why.

1. I have to get there too frickin early. I work all week, and of course Saturday is usually our busiest night. By the time you've cleaned up, checked out, whatever, it's well after midnight when we're walking out the door. I live an hour away, so I head straight home, since I have to be back in the morning. Sometimes the drive is great for winding down, but after a busy night, I still can't always get to sleep right away when I get home. If I'm lucky, I can sneak in about 5 hours of sleep, but I'm usually not that lucky. Then I have to get up early and drag my tired ass back to work a 13 hour day. Fun. Since I've been with this restaurant since day 1, I'm pulling rank and strongly suggesting that some of these newer servers can get their rears in there Sunday morning and open the place. Then I can come in later and complain that everything has been done wrong.

2. The B team works on Sundays. Major, MAJOR irritant. The B team consists of newer servers who are still trying to figure everything out. They make mistakes on the computer, whether it's ringing stuff in, closing checks wrong, or anything else imaginable that can be done wrong on a computer in a restaurant. This is fine, mistakes happen, but since Sundays are littered with new servers, it happens more than once. And it slows things down. There is nothing worse than trying to find an open computer on a busy night, and at any given moment one is being completely hogged by a newbie and a manager trying to fix a mistake on a check. The discussion on how a server error can back up a kitchen will be saved for a later post.

It takes more than just waiting on your tables properly to make the night go smooth. There are a ton of little extra things that need to be done. Like stocking. Glassware and silverware doesn't magically appear polished on the shelves. Our particular restaurant doesn't have a gnome that brews the coffee when you've taken the last bit. Servers do this. Newer servers are just trying to keep up with their tables, they often neglect to help with these little things. The gnomes and fairies that restock and polish the glassware and silverware and brew the coffee and in general re-fill things that have been emptied, are the more experienced staff that realize that you need to make the time to do all of this. Now, there are quite a few servers that have been there since day one who also don't help to re-stock during the shift. They just plain suck, and, they also work on Sundays.

3. Weird people go out on Sundays. This is a fact. These people aren't mean, they can be quite nice, but they are definitely "off". The saying actually goes: there is no such thing as a stupid question EXCEPT on Sundays. These are the people who think the beefsteak tomato is some sort of steak, that the mozzarella is fried, and ask you what comes with the steak after you've told them that nothing comes with the steak. They aren't your savvy diners. Most of your white zinfandel people go out to eat on a Sunday.

On the flip side, you get your HBO Dagos who know EVERYTHING about Italian food. They say "calamaht", and "prozhoot" and ask if the veal parmigiana is a real parmigiana. They complain because we don't have spaghetti; probably because they were looking forward to complaining about the sauce. "Eh. It's ok." Go away HBO Dagos! Go terrorize the servers at Olive Garden, they probably deserve it. And by the way, it's proh-SHOOT-oh. You jag-off.

I really hate working Sundays.

Wine Snobbery

It seems that in the past few weeks I have had to endure an excess of wine foolishness. Wine is one of my passions for sometime now, it has also been my job for quite a bit. I know my way around a wine list, I have every right to be a snob. Some people, on the other hand, do not have this right.

The novice wine drinker who admits they know nothing about wine; I love these people. They tell me what they like, I make a suggestion, they love it, done. Easy. Now for the rest of them.

1) The Novice Wine Drinker Who Acts Like They Know Wine

These jag-offs are a real pain. They might have learned a few key terms like "big" and "chewy" and all of a sudden they're oeneological geniuses. First of all, they use terms like "big" and "chewy" because all they've ever drunk are big Cali Cabs. Because that's what EVERYONE drinks. Wrong. There are soooo many fabulous varietals out there and they all have there merits. The odds are high that these tools wouldn't know a genuinely big and chewy cab if it walked up and slapped them in the face. These people wouldn't even try a wonderful Bordeaux, just because it's French. That's another peeve for another time. These people can be a little difficult, they are apt to return a wine because they don't like it,( no-no ), and their wives will complain because we don't have Kendall Jackson chardonnay.

2) I Read Wine Spectator So I Know Everything

These people slay me. I'm sorry Wine Spectator; if I'm not your biggest fan, it's because of the overwhelming number of jackalopes who have read you and are now wine experts. This breed won't drink anything that hasn't been rated by Wine Spectator. Excuse me, rated over 90 by Wine Spectator. Now this kind of wino will occasionally venture out of California and away from chards and cabs. They've graduated to Zins and Oregon pinot noirs. After a few years of reading Wine Spectator,(high school), they graduate to reading Robert Parker,(community college).

These boneheads won't listen at all. They read a couple of articles on Tuscany and they order Super Tuscans thinking they'll be Super Big. It's not just a Tuscan, it's a SUPER Tuscan! Wow! I had a guy tell me the Super Tuscan we have by the glass isn't very good. Keep in mind that wines by the glass aren't usually fabulous, but they are usually decent. Fabulous wines are way too expensive to pour by the glass. Back to my story: I asked the guy if he would like something different. He said no, he just wanted to tell me our Super Tuscan by the glass wasn't a very good choice for a wine by the glass.

Two things: first, I almost flipped my lid. How rude. Second, I know he's not "in" on the wine scene. If he was, he would have realized it's a GLASS POUR, not a "wine by the glass". As a GLASS POUR it's a decent wine. My boss,( God love him ), told me that if that guy wants a better Super Tuscan by the glass on our list, we will more than happy to oblige. And charge WAY more. My boss,( God love him again ), also said that the Wine Spectator gave the wine a 91. Maybe the guy missed that issue.

I Won't Drink Anything That Isn't a Big Name

These are Wine Spectator's in-bred cousins, they are that close. Not only does the wine have to be rated, it has to be a BIG name. And expensive. Because the more you spend on a bottle of wine shows how much you know. These people have money, and they've probably been to a few vineyards. Which is cool. But to hear them talk at the table, you'd think that Robert Mondavi and Helen Turley are their bridge partners. They'd dish about Stag's Leap this and Stag's Leap that. True funny, I could always catch the fakers by asking, " Stag's Leap Winery, or Stag's Leap Wine Cellars?". If they looked at me like I had grown an extra horn on my head, I knew they were full of poo. If I got a startled look, followed by a fast "winery", or "wine cellars", I knew that they knew I was onto them, and that the first thing they would do when they got home would be to go through their Wine Spectators to see what I was talking about.

These people won't even bother to really read a wine list. They might glance over it, then ask if we have Jordan, or Plumpjack, or Far Niente. These are all fantastic wines, but these people only like them because they are expensive. They don't appreciate the wines. My favorite saying is that you don't have to spend alot for a lovely wine. But if you're willing to throw $200 for a bottle you really know nothing about, be my guest. Just be sure and tip.

White Zinfandel Drinkers

The bottom of the barrel. I've had people ask me to decant their white zin. A couple of weeks ago,( at the crab place ), I had a guy complain about the fact that our white zinfandel wasn't Beringer. Are. You. Kidding. It's frickin white zinfandel, my cats could make white zin and you wouldn't know the difference. Do you know why? Because it's pretty much Kool-Aid with an alcohol content. The guy ended up getting a shot of Patron to go with his non-Beringer white zin. Yeah.

I could go on and on and on about wine, but I will save the lectures for another time : ) Peace out!

Dear lady I was rude to one the phone, My name is not Amanda and I am not a manager. Haha!

a jerk.

Be a man and dump your girl at home, not in public. You're taking up space and making everyone around you uncomfortable. It's rude to others and you are

Everybody's an expert

Restaurant #2 is a fine-dining establishment. It's a nice change of pace from the crabhouse, fine dining is what I'm used to. I have to mind my manners at this place.

I was part of the opening team for this restaurant. We opened in late January after a little over two weeks of training. The restaurant is part of a pretty large group of restaurants based out of New York City, so they pretty much had all of their ducks in a row as far as how we would be trained. Some of my co-workers would disagree, but screw them, I've opened two other restaurants; I've seen worse.

When you're a new server at an established business, obviously there are people working there that have been there longer than you. Some of these people might have opened the place. At any rate, you'll probably be training with someone who has more experience at that restaurant than other servers. Every restaurant has rules in place about how things are done; how you approach a table, how you deliver drinks, how you ring orders in, where things go, and so on and so on. You learn all these things while you're training and if you don't always agree, oh well. We all have opinions, but it's not YOUR restaurant, you still have to follow the basic guidelines.

Now imagine you are walking in to train at a restaurant where everybody is new. There are no older servers, just your trainers from New York that work in other restaurants. It's pretty chaotic. We had five trainers to about forty-some servers, food runners and bartenders. And these poor people are training "experienced" servers.

The problem with "experienced" servers is that everybody is an expert. "Experienced" runs the gamut from the chick who has had only one other restaurant job a LONG time ago to the guy who used to manage a couple of places before landing this job. In between you have the girls who MIGHT have worked at one other fine-dining establishment for about a year, the guys who HAVE worked at plenty of nice restaurants, ( the key word here is plenty, they'd bounced around the city quite a bit ), and the female that ran her mouth about working in the best restaurant across the river but somehow ended up with us. Lucky us. All these people have "experience" and all these people know everything.

It was a nightmare. There were quite a few people who were quite vociferous in letting everyone know that they knew everything. It was like that nerdy kid in school who shoots his hand up in the air before the question is even halfway out of the teacher's mouth. Except it was adults finishing sentences for trainers. Loud. So everyone could hear and benefit from their knowledge. I was so glad they were there.

It was about everything; the food, points of service, wine. One guy in particular would flat out argue with the trainers. If a trainer was telling us where a particular cheese was from, someone would interrupt to elaborate on the subject. The best was the wine tastings, people would say the DUMBEST shit. There is nothing worse than someone who doesn't know anything about wine trying to sound like they do. Wine is an area where you can be soooooo wrong! I used to be a wine steward, I know what I'm talking about.

This happened every day and all day during training. Someone would interrupt, or King Know-It-All would tell everyone they were wrong, and you could see the trainers jaws tighten. I know mine did. It was rude and it really sucked for the people that maybe actually wanted to learn something. I am a big fan of shut your mouth and listen. We would have moved along alot faster if everyone would have just shut up.

But, everyone was an expert, and we all needed to know it. Training was fun with these people, but the actual opening was pure joy. That's another post, my jaw is tight : ) Stay tuned...

The phone: Part One

I enjoy the crabhouse, but there are some things that simply annoy the crap out of me. The biggest annoyance is......the Phone.

Some mornings I am completely by myself. Things can get a little hectic. It usually happens like this:

Table one orders crabs. Put them in and go get table two's drink order, (table one is inside, table two is outside; opposite ends of the restaurant). The ladies at table two order a Bloody Mary and a dramarific frozen drink. Of course it takes the lady awhile to CHOOSE her dramarific frozen drink; that's another story for another day. No problem. Go behind the bar to make the labour-intensive Bloody Mary, (we don't have Bloody Mary mix), and, of course, the frozen drink.

In the middle of trying to whip these up, the kitchen guy calls that the crabs are ready for table one. No problem. Then the Phone rings.

Phone calls at this place are never easy. Maybe it's a language barrier: proper English versus Southern Maryland English. Maybe comprehension time is slower here. Either way, no matter what, they are NEVER quick phone calls.

Me: " Blah, blah, blah"

Them: " Do ya'll have crabs?"

Me: " Right now we have all you can eats for $20 a person, a dozen mediums for $30, a dozen larges for $40 and jumbos are $60 a dozen, all while quantities last."

Them: "While.....what lasts?"

Me: While quantities last."

Them: "While what?"

Me: "While we have them available."

Them: "Oh. Do you think you'll run out?"

Me: " It depends on how busy we get and how many people order them."

Them: "Are ya'll gonna get busy?"

Me: "We should get busy but I can't say how it'll go with the crabs."

Them: " What about around 7, will ya'll have crabs then?"

[ Remember, a labour-intensive Bloody Mary and a dramarific frozen drink are waiting to be finished. And don't forget the crabs..]

Me: "We should."

Them: " So if we come in around 7, we can get crabs?"

Me: " I honestly can't guarantee that, I don't know how busy we'll be, how fast the crabs will go out, or if we'll be getting anymore in today. Call before you come down here."

Them: "Ok. Will ya'll have crabs tomorrow?"

Me: " Call tomorrow."

Click.

That's no lie.

It's certainly not a classy joint, so me barking answers into the phone while I deliver food to a table is somewhat acceptable. I don't like to do it, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do

That is probably the most common phone call. And it pretty much always goes the same way. There are variations:

Them: " If I come in two weeks from Saturday, will ya'll have crabs?"

Me: "Call then."

Them: "Do ya'll have jumbos today?"

Me: "Yes."

Them: "If I come in two weeks from Saturday can I reserve 2 dozen jumbos?"

Me: "I don't know if we'll have them then."

Them: " I can't reserve 2 dozen jumbos for two weeks from Saturday??"

Me: "No"

Them: "It's a birthday party."

Let me get Neptune on that, buddy. Birthday party changes EVERYTHING.

Believe me, there's plenty more where this came from. At least the ladies liked their drinks : )

I work in restaurants. It started as a way to get through school and ended up as a career. As far as jobs go, it certainly isn't boring. Right now I work at two restaurants, and they could not be any more different. One is fine-dining just outside of the city and the other is.....a crabhouse. The stories I tell will make you cringe, and they might make you cry,( in a good way ). Every day is an adventure, especially if you're a server!